Birthdays, funerals, and motherhood 

After Jonas was born, I was sucked into a real quandary about my own mortality. There were some specific questions I could articulate (like who will raise my son if his father and I both die– a question we still haven’t answered). But more haunting than the handful of articulated questions I found myself pondering […]

My face 

“My children.” “My children, ”  I find myself repeating, measuring time with the phrase- not sure if the fact that they are mine or that there are two makes this my mantra. My eyes are blurred, staring over my left shoulder out the living room window. I am sitting on the floor, where I have […]

Notes from the 4 week mark 

Tomorrow Elias is 4 weeks. Without meaning to, I find myself pulled back to vivid memories of the crazy time, 3 years ago when Jonas was 4 weeks. Then I was in Hudson NY. My husband was on the job market–finishing his phd. I was torn apart by the emotions of becoming a mother. Facing […]